


Aaron finally opens up to Robert

by DirtyLilGreaseMonkey



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-29 05:27:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3884104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey/pseuds/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron has always been quiet but Robert has finally plucked up the courage to ask him about his scars.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aaron finally opens up to Robert

**Author's Note:**

> I started this a few weeks ago after rewatching the Aaron/Jackson storyline and I really wanted Aaron to be honest with Robert about his scars, sorry its a long one but I think it needs it, feedback appreciated.

It had taken a long time for Aaron to be so open with Robert, like he was today. Robert knew that it was only after that day, that day when he finally let those three little words escape his lips that Aaron allowed himself to let his guard down, allowed Robert to actually touch him during their trysts. 

Not that Robert wasn't allowed to touch Aaron before his declaration, but it was always with his shirt on, no skin on skin contact and Robert longed for them to reach that level of intimacy. To be as close as two people can be, that's how much love he felt for his little grease monkey.

Basking in the aftermath of their most recent love making Robert felt quite content sprawled across Aaron's chest lazily running his fingers over the raised welts further down the younger boys body. 

Robert looked up into the Aaron's eyes and quietly whispered 

"Tell me"

A blind look of horror crossed Aaron's face before he could stop it, it was only for a second but it didn't go unnoticed. He shifted uncomfortably under Robert’s weight. 

Robert tried to ignore this, continued to run his fingers over Aaron's torso and planted small butterfly kisses on the scars and said,

"Please I’d like to know"

Aaron let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding and sighed, 

"I'm not sure you want to know it all"

Robert looked deep into the eyes of the boy he loved and wanted to protect and replied, 

"It's a part of you Aaron and I want to know every inch of you" 

"Well do you remember that night I smashed your wing mirrors? How angry I was?"

Robert chuckled to himself thinking back to their altercation on the stairs after that incident before replying with a smirk,

"I remember the make up in your bedroom"

With a tight smile Aaron continued, 

"When I was younger I was sorta like that all the time, I didn't know who I was until He found me. In a way He saved me. I would have ended up in prison or worse. For the first time in my life He made me feel safe.”

Robert watched as Aaron eyes lit up reminiscing about Him, and he couldn't help the jealous pang that flooded his body, he wanted to be that for Aaron, he wanted to be Aaron's safe place just as Aaron was for him.

"Sure we had our ups and downs and we broke up more times than I can remember but we belonged with each other." 

‘Sounds familiar’ Robert thought but kept this to himself, they had had quite a turbulent start to their own relationship.

“When He told me He loved me I ignored it, I think He was heartbroken I didn’t say it back, but how could I?” Aaron continued.

"The night of the accident we got into a huge fight, He just kept pushing and pushing and I wasn't ready. I didn't know what   
love felt like, I'd never been loved before, not by anyone. I hated myself for not being able to say it, I thought I loved Him but I hadn't admitted it to myself so how was I supposed to tell Him? That's all He needed from me, just to tell Him I loved him and I couldn't. If I had things would have been so different. It's all my fault" Aaron sobbed. 

‘Never been loved before?’ 

Aaron words hit Robert like an arrow to his heart. How could this man before him, his Aaron, have grown up without knowing he was loved. Aaron had mentioned little about his childhood, all Robert knew was that Chas had given Aaron up and he spent most of his early years living with his father, and Aaron didn’t like to talk about him. 

Robert longed to pull his lover into his arms but he was afraid if he moved Aaron would stop talking and this was the most he'd ever shared with Robert, so he took Aaron's hand, entwined their fingers and squeezed.

Aaron caught his breath back and just, just when Robert thought he'd heard all Aaron could offer the younger boy let out a sigh and continued his tale. 

“When I couldn't say it back He got into his van and drove off, me being the idiot I am rang Him, I just wanted Him to stop, to come back so we could talk. I don't know what happened exactly I was too far away, I don't know if the phone distracted Him or what, but the next thing I knew the van was on its side. I just stood there, I didn't know what to do and then I heard the train. It was like my life, my future was in front of me and I couldn't reach it in time, I took one step forward and then I was running, running towards Him. When I got there He was covered in blood. I remember screaming his name, He couldn't hear me, I was so scared.” 

"Oh Aaron" was all Robert could manage still holding onto the younger boys hand. 

"I don't really remember getting to the hospital, I know I called Paddy and he came, then he called Hazel. I couldn't tell her, what was I supposed to say? All I could think was its all my fault, if I could have just said the words we would have been together instead of Him lying in hospital fighting for His life."

By this point Aaron was physically shaking as tears rolled down his face but he carried on, he wanted Robert to know, so they could move on together.

“The weeks after the accident are just a blur really, of sitting by His bedside, drinking crappy coffee, willing Him to wake up.”

“When He finally did the news was worse, He was paralysed and I had to be the one to tell Him, no one else would and He had a right to know. And I know in that second I told him He hated me.”

“He tried everything to push me away, stopped talking, shouted, ignored me, and I did, I did stay away for weeks, I even tried to see other people but I couldn't do it, I didn't want anyone else but Him and it took that to make me realise that I loved Him. He didn't believe me when I told Him, how could I love someone like Him, He said. I didn’t care about the chair, all I wanted was Him” 

This was breaking Robert’s heart, his boy was in pain and he couldn't do anything to ease it. All Robert could do was be there now in the present and show Aaron that someone did love him, with all their heart.

“We had good days and bad ones, just like any other couples, except we had to contend with Hazel as well. I remember this one time I made Paddy drag my bed downstairs so that He could get out of that house and we could spend the night together, like a ‘normal’ couple. But as the weeks went on He became more depressed, I could see it, He tried pushing me away again, nearly succeeded too. In the end I couldn't leave Him, I loved Him, and then He dropped the bombshell. He wanted to die. You can imagine my reaction. I was so angry, after everything we had been through He wanted to leave me? I was hurt, angry, scared. How could He be so selfish?” 

“We argued non-stop about it for hours, days even, we took Him on holiday to try and change His mind, I even got Him to go skydiving but none of it works, He was determined to die.” 

“I was so angry at Him for wanting that, I begged Him not to, to keep on living for me but He wouldn’t.”

“He tried to break if off one last time, to tell me to start grieving for Him whilst He was still here, like that would make it easier. He was so determined, even after all that time and all that had happened to Him he was trying to make this impossible situation better for me. I wouldn’t let Him, I refused to leave, I couldn’t lose Him, not again, not like that so I agreed, because the only thing worse than being with Him in the end would have been not to be with Him.”

Robert tried to imagine himself in the same situation but he couldn’t bring himself to, he couldn’t imagine a world without his beautiful, brave Aaron.

“It was actually Paddy who helped made my mind up, he didn’t know what he was saying, but he spouting off about relationships being give and take, and how you had to do things you didn’t want to, just to make the other person happy, do anything to make them happy. So I agreed to be there when He finally took His life. He’d looked up everything, what drugs to get, what we needed to do afterwards. He had a party to say goodbye but of course no one else knew that was the reason, they just thought it was a celebration, I stormed out, I couldn’t handle Him saying goodbye. He told us he wanted to do it the next day, I wasn’t sure I could be there, in the end, but I loved Him and He needed me, so I went, He told me he loved me and asked us if we remembered what to do after. God it was awful, I was crying so much, a bit like now actually” an unexpected giggle escaping his lips.

“And then it was time. Hazel had the drink in her hand but she just kind of broke, He was begging her to, it broke my heart to hear Him like that so I took the drink off her and put it to His lips. I had to do it, I had to do it Robert, I had to, she couldn't she just couldn't and it fell on me, I was 18 years old and I had to" Aaron managed through the steady stream of tears. 

"I killed the only person who ever loved me" 

Aaron broke down.

“Why wasn't I enough?” he cried.

Around the lump in his throat Robert managed to whisper "I love you" 

"I know I don't tell you enough but I do Aaron. I've loved you from the moment you I saw you, it just took me awhile to get there" 

Aaron's whole body was shaking with uncontrollable sobs, not knowing what else to do, how else he could show the man he loved just how much he loved him, the older boy pulled Aaron to his chest and cradled him, planting kisses on his head and stroking his hair while making soothing "ssshhh ssshhh" noises until eventually Aaron's breathing returned to normal.

"Aaron" Robert exclaimed when the tears had finally subsided. "I had no idea, you must have felt so alone" 

"I was alone, I was angry. Angry at myself, at Hazel for letting me do that, for everything. I started to lash out again at anyone, I broke into Carl's place and cut my hand on some glass, I just wanted to be punished. Mum was there to persuade Carl not to call the police but that didn't help. I stole a car and nearly killed my mum, I was such a mess, I didn’t want to live anymore, I was about ready to give up. It was the cut that helped, I remember applying pressure and the release I felt when it started to bleed, it just made everything in my head stop for a second and life was bearable again. Only it didn't stop there, whenever I had an argument or felt like I'd let someone down I'd hurt myself, punch the garage wall then put my cut and bruised hand in disinfectant. I stopped eating, but that just made me weak. It was all getting too much, that night, the accident, was all I could think about, what I said, what I didn’t say, how I could of stopped Him. How none of this would have happened if I’d have just known how I felt about Him. My head was wreaked, and that’s when I saw it, the knife, and I knew what I had to do.”

“If felt so good that first time, everything I had bottled up for so long, the hurt, the grief, the anger, it was like I was releasing its hold on me. I could go a few days, weeks even but something would set me off and I would need to do it again. I learnt to hide it, to not show off my body, which was easy under the overalls, but one time after a particular fight with Hazel, I stormed up to my room at the pub and didn’t realise my mum had followed me, she saw what I was doing and it terrified her. But even then I refused to stop, I’d been angry all of my life and had finally found a way to deal with all of that.” 

A feeling of dread overwhelmed Robert as he subtly tried to study Aaron’s body to see if there were any fresh cuts, because if he was to blame for any of them he couldn’t live with himself.

“You know what my mum is like, the big drama queen, she threatened to harm herself unless I promised to get some help. Not the best tactic but it worked. I started to see a councillor and realised that I was consumed by guilt over what happen with Him. Seeing Hazel everyday just brought up all again so when I got the chance to leave for a few weeks I did. But the pull of Emmerdale is never far away you know that” Aaron exclaimed with a small chuckle.

God it was good to see him smile.

“All the stuff with Cain, with Adam and his dad, I had to come back to support them.”

This was one of the qualities he loved the most about Aaron, his loyalty. Robert had been very jealous of Adam when he first met him, but after seeing them together, how could he be, there were like two peas in a pod and he had been there for Aaron since the beginning.

“The decision to go to France was taken out of my hands, you know that, but going to France, being away from this place allowed me to clear my head, I still thought about Him, I still do think about Him, but I remember the good times and not just the bad now, and although life is sometimes overwhelming, I haven’t felt the need to cut in a really long time and that’s partly down to you.” Aaron blushed and looked into Roberts eyes. 

Robert laid there with the boy he loved in his arms, not sure what to say,

“Thank you Aaron, I know that that must have been hard and I am very grateful”

“I told you I was broken”

“You are not broken, you just have a few beautiful scars.”

Robert ran his tongue those scars, along Aarons stomach, starting something that would take them into the early hours of the morning.

……………..

Robert had never visited the grave of someone he didn't know before but after all Aaron had told him last night he just had to go talk to Him. 

"Jackson" Robert said out loud. 

Wow that felt weird, like he was breaking some unwritten rule between him and Aaron by just mentioning His name.

"Thank you for bringing him to me" 

Producing the golden ring he had been holding onto for days he said, 

"I promise I'll look after him, now and forever"


End file.
